I’ve been listening to Women Who Run With the Wolves recently and, if I’m honest, for the first half of the book I kept thinking the author was losing me. I kept zoning out wondering when she was going to relay a message. The stories felt dense and overly symbolic. Women turning into wolves. Skeleton brides emerging from the sea. Seal women reclaiming their skins. I understood the aesthetic of the book long before I understood the assignment.
I realized I had been interpreting the premise through a modern framework that assumes “wildness” must mean rebellion against traditional domestic life. But perhaps that’s not what the author meant at all. What if the opposite of wildness is not domesticity, but disconnection from yourself?
Then it clicked. And I saw my truth in her message, my creativity flourishes because of the traditional shape of my life. Being wild isn’t about what you’re doing with your days but how you integrate with it.
“To be ourselves causes us to be exiled by many others and yet to comply with what others want causes us to be exiled from ourselves.”
-Clarissa Pinkola Estés
I’m able to stay home with my son, and I’m able to build a creative life without financial pressure or being drained by a 9–5. Being in charge of the household is my contribution, and I do it with such gratitude. The domestic rhythms of our home: cooking, cleaning, caring, homemaking, supporting my family, creating beauty and order around us, is all on me and thank god. I have amazing taste and I would die if I had to work a day job. My art more and more requires a focus on solitude, thankfully my son doesn’t count. As an added bonus my husband well appreciates it. I honestly didn’t even get it at first. Our first few years married it was actually confusing how appreciative he was, which is telling, but I’ll save that for another time. I get to do things on my own time and in my own way and be the artist I always wanted to be. And if I’m being honest, the homemaking stuff is easy for me, my being understands pragmatism and loves the control piece. It also allows me to be creative outside of the studio. Coming up with random dinners that use all the veggies we have in the fridge and somehow it still tastes good is flexing a whole different creative muscle and I’m grateful for that.
I know how lucky I am that current structure of my life gives my nervous system enough safety, grounding, and space to create without the pressure of financially supporting my family. I also acknowledge that not everyone has this so forgive me if this made a left turn into a love letter.
Modern conversations can flatten women into identities that feel too rigid. Traditional or liberated. SAHM or working mom. Domestic or independent. Soft or powerful. But we actually don’t have to choose. My domestic life does not suffocate my creativity. It protects it. The rhythms of motherhood, homemaking, and family life have not disconnected me from myself, they have brought me closer to myself, to my instincts, creativity, and especially my inner child. The deeper I move into this season of life, the more creative material I seem to uncover. What Estés really seems to be warning against is not marriage or homemaking, but self-abandonment and that can happen in any aspect of life. Maybe the wild woman is not a woman who rejects structure entirely. Maybe she’s simply a woman who hasn’t abandoned herself. While society feeds us stories about women who lose themselves in a man or motherhood, I believe we could lose ourselves in anything. I’ve personally lost myself an embarrassing amount, to friends, alcohol, adrenalin, anger and even my art. Maybe this is contrary to Estes advice but I say lose yourself a bit in all the things but know that above all you are your home. A healthy relationship with yourself and your passion is your purpose.
“The doors to the world of the wild self are few but precious.”
-Clarissa Pinkola Estés
Figure out what makes you tick. I dare you to find your passion and follow it (even in small ways), this is how you tap into wildness. In my experience losing myself in my creativity a little bit everyday is the most wild I’ll ever be. One can be wild and domestic all at once, let us remember even wolves need dens
